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I’m terrified that I might never be in love again. I’m scared of the commitment, because it hurt too damn much when it all fell to pieces. I don’t know if I have the strength to be vulnerable again; I feel like I will forever have my guard up, I will forever hold back from people who want to know all of me. If God sends me a nice boy, one who tries to open me up again, I’m afraid that I will resist his efforts for fear of what might happen if I do let him in. I’m afraid he will get so frustrated that he’ll give up, and I’m left alone again. I’m scared that I will actually desire to be alone because it’s secure. I’m scared that I can’t let go.
Even if I want to, I’m afraid that I might be unable to.